I –

I’ve been happier lately. It’s a weird kind of happy, because I don’t really feel that much better during the day, but I know something inside is fighting to be happy. It’s still a struggle getting up in the morning, somedays it’s because it’s too cold, other days it’s because the world feels heavier than usual-I manage to get up. I’m stronger because of it.

I’m 23 now. I don’t feel any older or wiser, but I know I was naive 8 months ago. I thought I would be able to get my way right out of college, I’m ashamed. I’m working in a place I never thought I’d be working in. I’ve made friends with the people who seem to be the happiest and nicest there. I’m a little overwhelmed because who would have thought, but I’m excited because maybe something can go right. I’m hopeful something will go right.

I’m drawing again. It feels weird, watching my hand move the pencil around.
I’m watching things again. I’m invested in characters and storylines, even cry sometimes.
I’m reading again. It’s a struggle because sometimes I just want to nap on the bus, I’m trying.

I still can’t sleep much. Still go to sleep late, still wake up at 4:30, still oversleep.
I’m trying.

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